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    Here begins your journey into the mind of everybody's favorite asian, and I don't mean Jet Li.
What follows is the somewhat inane, mostly irrelevant, and self-important ramblings of a man on the brink of madness.
Welcome... to the Chu.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003
 Why do I do it?    [L]

How many times do you ask yourself this question in the course of a week? A month?

I find myself wide awake at 1:39 in the A-freaking-M again for the nth night in a row, and wonder....

What am I still doing with the sleeping habits of a college student? I'm supposed to be all grown up now, I've been graduated for the better part of a year now, and yet I'm still in the all-nighter mentality. . I can't recall a single recent night where I've gone to bed before 2AM. This can't be healthy for me.

But then again, I'm probably just a natural night owl. I'm usually pretty productive in the evenings, if you count working on your website, blogging, or playing video games productive :). I can't wait until I'm done with my website, it's going to be pretty darn cool once it's finished. Or, at least, stable. It'll never be finished, not with all the plans and ideas I have for it. It's the simultaneous curse/blessing of being a web application developer, I guess - I am only limited by my own imagination. Well, that and a chronic lack of motivation, but I blame that on Chipotle and my home theatre system.

I guess it has its benefits, though. I'm certaintly not motivated to go to bed early when my company lets me work flextime (and means it). I just go into work around 9:30 and leave around 6:30. I beat the traffic both ways and I get to be extra productive in the later hours at work (you'd be surprised by how much you can get done when there's hardly anyone left in the office). Not to mention management always likes seeing their employees stay late. (and I can fart and belch without a care!)

On the other hand (i have more fingers), there's the disadvantages - I'm pretty tired at work, requiring large amounts of caffeine and sugar, which are undoubtedly right this second plotting to raise my blood pressure and give me a heart attack. Throw in a sedentary job and non-stop eyestrain, mix thoroughly, and you get a recipe for an eventual disaster. The only thing that keeps me going sometimes is the thought of paying off my credit cards and buying a nice new car.

Of course, old concerns and worries are simply replaced by newer (and more plentiful) ones. It's just another cycle in the continuous struggle for ... I don't even know what. Just ... getting on by, I suppose. Y'know, if it wasn't for the support of my church, and my belief in the eternal and supernatural meaning of life (as opposed to the funny and hilarious meaning of life), I don't know what I'd do. Even at the very worst times, I still have a purpose, a raison d'�tre - to serve my God. I don't even want to imagine what my life would be like without it.

Y'know, I think I just figured something out. I just don't know exactly what that is.

So in conclusion... I'm going to bed.

fin