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    Here begins your journey into the mind of everybody's favorite asian, and I don't mean Jet Li.
What follows is the somewhat inane, mostly irrelevant, and self-important ramblings of a man on the brink of madness.
Welcome... to the Chu.

Thursday, February 10, 2005
 Professional Dorkitude    [L]

So the other day, I was chatting with Nicole, and the subject of Dorkery came up. And we wondered - what defines a Dork? What are the standards for Dork eligibility? What, exactly, constitutes Dorkiness?

First off, I'd like to say that i'm not talking about Whale Penii.

Now, some may confuse Nerd or Geek with Dork - but I believe there are some distinctions:

Dorkiness is not a symptom of knowing about computers or stuff like that - that falls under the geek category. It's not about having an above average amount of knowledge of a certain topic, that's more Nerdery than Dorkery.

Dorkiness is more of a general state of mind or set of behavioral patterns.

I think Dorkitude an amalgam of several traits or behaviours:

a) Being technical about everything, even stuff that doesn't matter, to the point where you annoy people.

b) Using movie quotes or references in the wrong situations. Quoting Napoleon Dynamite for any situation is a good way to up your dork-rating. Movie quotes are dangerous to use - done well, they will lessen your Dorkitude and boost your culture rating - but done badly, (ie by quoting Star Trek at every opportunity) they will continue to add to your Dorkiness.

c) Can't let things slide. There is a time and place to be right at the expense of others. You must choose your corrections and clarifications carefully, or be exposed as a Dork, or even worse, as a Jerk.

This is hardly a conclusive list, but these were the first qualifications that popped to mind.

I know what you're saying now: "But Phil, how can I avoid being a Dork?"

First of all, unless you're on the phone with me, I can't hear you, so stop talking out loud. But fret not! For there are easy ways to lessen, or mask your Dorkery:

-Any measure of social ability or grace will significantly lower your Dork-rating. Use your opportunities to speak wisely - better to be silent and thought a fool rather than speak up and remove all doubt.
-Let things slide. If a point is brought up, which you know is wrong, but insignificant, then bite your tongue and just let it slide... Besides, you can always use it later for verbal ammunition. (This is a common female tactic).
-Be cool. Loosen up. Don't be so anal. Go with the flow. Dorks tend to be the party-pooper, always demanding their way.

Anyway, I hope this helps quantify the Dork experience - may you live long and not be a Dork.

Crap, I just needlessly quoted Star Trek in a conversation, +5 Dork for Phil.

Then again, the mere fact that I'm trying to quantify Dorkability and define the essence of Dorkiness marks me as a big Dork. Or at the very least, a Nerd.

Ah, I don't care anymore. I'm gonna let it slide.