"Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies."

No, I think this is backwards. I would rather help a friend move a body than help them move furniture. Bodies are light, usually from 100-250 lbs. Rarely is there more than one to deal with. They can be made easier to carry with simple application of a hacksaw. And there's usually a good reason, or at least a good story, behind a body, unlike reasons for moving.

Furniture, on the other hand, is heavier, denser, and more unwieldy. And there's usually a set of them. And never a big enough truck available. But then again, they don't bleed everywhere.


So friends, please: think about if you want to kill someone before asking me to help you move. Because I'd rather help you with that.

You might just save us all a lot of time. And my back.